acceptance with joy on this last day.

what a contrast yesterday afternoon was compared to the morning. after spending time processing, debriefing, journaling, worshiping, praying, and collecting ourselves, we headed out to rauf's carpet shop. hours and hours of rug after rug...the small store was filled with laughter. it's hard to comprehend the immense sadness and joy that were packed into 24 hours. i think that captures life in afghanistan well...the sadness mixed with joy.

i'm reminded of the book hind's feet on high places, and the flower "acceptance-with-joy".

today was a full day. a good day. our last day. (ugh. i loathe having to write those words...even though there are a number of things i am looking forward to in the states...there is more of me that longs to stay here.)

we headed out to barek aub early. some of our team is feeling a bit under the weather today, so the hour drive on a-stan's roads was a bit rough. (potholes that could swallow your car, a complete lack of "your side" and "my side" of the road, suddens stops, the dust, the heat...) anywhoodle, we made it safely and without anyone tossing their breakfast. the reason for today's trip was to give out certificates and appreciation gifts for 15 of the community health workers (CHWs). these people have been selected by the elders of the village, trained by the NGO we're partnered with, and sent out to teach the 600 families of barek aub. they teach sanitation, nutrition, waste management, birth control/family planning, and basic healthcare...just to name a few. oh, and have i mentioned that nearly all of the CHWs are women? literally. all but one.

the men gathered together in one room in the clinic, sitting on toshaks (mattress-couches) and drinking tea while we women gathered in the community health education (CHE) training room for the appreciation. the head of CHE for the organization spoke to the women, encouraging them and highlighting the importance of their work. (this same woman trained each of these CHWs.) one of the long term staff shared, and our female "elder" also shared our honor to join with them and thanking them for their vital work. women from 16 to over 40; the future of this community. when the CHW director talked about the future, using micro-loans to start small businesses, every woman in the room raised their hand to signify their interest. wow. the drive is there. the hope for something better. the joy in the progress made.

it was truly an honor to be among these women. their strength made me acutely aware of my "easy" life. i felt blessed to stand among my teammates in a receiving line, congratulating each CHW..."tabriq!" (kiss right cheek, kiss left cheek, kiss right cheek) "tashakor".

as we got ready to head out, a few kiddos meandered into the room. almost immediately i spotted a young girl from last summer, one we interviewed with her family in her home, hearing their story. oh, my heart... one of the staff translated as i told her that i remembered her and how we had spoken with her family. blank stare. disappointment mixed with understanding. as i sat patiently, watching my teammates and the other kiddos, this sweet girl, sunya, sidled up beside me. slowly, she warmed to me. smiles. giggles as we played with my camera. watching her eyes as she caressed her image on the camera's screen. my heart melted.

saying goodbye came too soon. blowing kisses to the girls from the back of the car. "khoda hafez!" (goodbye!) i wish i knew how to say "until next time!" ...until next time, my sweet, strong, hopeful children. may God shine His face upon you.

after leaving barek aub with heavy--but filled--hearts, most of us headed back to istalif via baghram. we head north to the city which houses the largest US base in the country, then west for a short bit, and back south to qara baragh until we turn west again to climb up the mountain to istalif. we headed up to buy some of their famous pottery, straight from the source, supporting the local economy. a quick bite at the kebab stand (lamb, anyone?) and we headed back down to kabul.

some snapshots from the baghram/istalif drive:

• CAMELS!! seriously. we saw five! one was quite close. wahoo! :)
• learning more about the nomadic kuchi people (who have the camels) who roam the land
• the stark contrast in landscape...the east side of the valley of the shomali plain is so barren, brown, and desolate...the west side so green and lush
• the green leaves of grape vines peeking up over the high mud walls
• sunflowers. in full bloom.
• white check marks along stones and buildings, noting that the area has been cleared of land mines. commence the outdoor excursions of children playing.
• talking and laughing with the girls as we road in "little pig" (the nickname for our faithful car)

a great trip. after returning "home" and checking on our under the weather teammates, we packed up our team bags with rugs, pottery, and about 1,000 hats to sell. these hats were made by the people of barek aub and all of the money will go to microloans for the community. (sidenote: can i say again how bittersweet it is to pack? we have all fallen deeply in love with this land, with these people.)

our full day was rounded out with dinner at the intercontinental hotel. man! what a place! we had to go through numerous security checkpoints to even get to the parking lot. what a trip down the rabbit hole from there... through a metal detector, around the hotel, under a trellis of grapes, and out into a courtyard. live musicians playing traditional afghan music. the lights of kabul shining below and on the surrounding hillsides. twinkling blue lights in all the surrounding trees. tables circling the perimeter. a topaz blue pool in the middle of it all. stunning. the food was spectacular...yet not far from our minds were the people we have met. as one of my teammates pointed out, it's hard to reconcile the stark contrast...that this place could exist just a few miles from the desperate poverty of the IDP camp we visited yesterday. sadness mixed with joy. a strong desire to advocate from the states while acknowledging and accepting my many blessings. ...and remembering to share my blessings with others.

"behold, i am your handmaiden, acceptance with joy" (- hannah hurnand)

i cling to my sovereign Lord. my heart is filled with thanks. i pray that the Spirit will help me pour out this love, thankfulness, and joy onto others as i travel back home.

as i finish perhaps my final posting from this country that has captured my heart, the same song i awoke singing this morning is again running through my head.

into marvelous light i'm running

out of darkness, out of shame

by the cross you are truth

you are the life

you are the way

bringing love to the forgotten.

i'm feeling the weight of my privilege.

the privilege of being an american, of religious freedom, wealth... the contrast is palpable to me. people living in a landfill, scavenging for food among the filth versus eating our fill at every meal. barek aub versus our lodgings at the guest house. our calm, peaceful meal at the lebanese grill while two helicopters screamed by overhead...reminding us that beyond the walls a war is being fought. lives are being lost. i feel the weight.

this morning after breakfast we spent some time debriefing. we worshiped, talked, and prayed before heading out to an IDP (internally displaced persons) camp to do a food distribution. preparing our minds and hearts for what we would experience.

there are 81,000 IDPs in kabul alone. most of the IDPs are coming from iran and pakistan where they were refugees through the wars that have plagued this land for thirty years. this is how the people of barek aub lived for years before they were taken to their new land. their chance to move beyond aid; their chance for a future. the IDPs are grouped into various areas of kabul; 37 total camps ranging from 37 families to 1200 families. at every camp survival is at the mercy of the help of others (government, UN, NGOs). this is the depths of poverty. as our host said, "they are the beat[en] up people, pushed back, uneducated." "...they are just waiting for somebody to come."

"...these are the forgotten."

we brought out food and clothes for 73 families, the population of this particular IDP camp. each family gets one bag of beans, one big can of vegetable oil, and one trash bag of clothes. the money for the food was donated by a church in poland (shout out to rachel)... a couple thousand dollars will feed 73 families for one week. talk about perspective. the clothes have been brought over by various teams, waiting until there is enough to give an equal amount to all. we came in three cars and waited while the staff roped off an area to funnel the families through. one of the staff came out about twenty minutes before us to distribute one ticket to each family. (the days before we came the staff had come out several times to count the families, ensuring we would have the right amount to give each family group the same amount. once we were set, the women in our group unloaded the truck, handing one of each item to every family representative. the men of our group served as crowd control, forming a sort of barrier around us and the truck. they helped the young kids, the older women and men, and the disabled carry their rations. one of our guys directed people away after receiving their items. the manner in which he guided them was filled with gentleness and caring... the love of Christ showing through.

we left as quickly as we came. like a wind...it arrives and leaves faster than you can grasp.

coming back and debriefing, their faces emblazoned on our hearts, we talked about the desire to do more. feed them for longer, talk with them, love on them, wishing they would know the hope of Christ.

"as i hand you this can of oil, can you feel the love that's behind it? do you know where that love comes from?"

he loves us

oh how he loves us

he loves us

oh how he loves us

how he loves us so

that song repeated through many of our heads over and over as we distributed what food we had brought. praying that God would "multiply our loaves" and make it last longer for them.

God is sovereign. He is over all. He will bring victory. He IS love. i trust my Beloved. i rest in Him.

as we continue with our day, thanking God for our overwhelming blessings, the words of our host ring in my head. "God loves these people. even through they don't believe in him, he loves them."

oh how he loves us.

do not give up in freedom what those in oppression fight for

the title for today's posting came from a late evening prayer meeting with two of the long term team members. we discussed the current persecution of afghan believers/seekers and spent time in prayer before the Lord. one of the team members nailed it in their prayer: "forgive us Father for forgetting about the persecuted church and our persecuted brothers and sisters." forgive me Lord. keep them close to my heart.

as you read this blog, please pray for the afghans: their view of themselves before God (they struggle with the concept of sin), forgiveness (that they may know the depths of God's grace and extend it to one another), women (gossip, slander, oppression), dreams (a big way God is active here), and spiritual warfare.

we went out this morning to barek aub, the town an hour outside kabul we have partnered with for a few years. as our host described, a group of several hundred refugees were "loaded up in trucks, driven out into the desolate, dry foothills of the mountains and dumped like trash." they have progressed from aid to development. from receiving food and water to having their own fully functioning clinic, school (for both girls and boys), water pumps, and, finally, true houses instead of tents. i was struck by two things this morning: how much the town has grown since i was out here last summer...there are so many more houses! also, i was surprised by the handful of children i recognized...though they too have grown. :) my heart overflows.

some highlights from today:

"naam-e shoma che est?" (what is your name?)... zakea, nagila, ravinya, malia, ingahla, layla, zakura, sharkil, amira, mushtaba...

• using my broken dari to connect with the women and children
• hearing about the failed attempts to connect barek aub with their mountain neighbors, to share resources and "be friends"...and the hope that remains
• laughing as sharkil refused to shake my left hand after we greeted each other...and my delayed realization of my cultural faux pas (yes, he shook my right hand once i extended it)
• standing out near the mountains holding hands with nagila. she in her mustard colored dress and beautiful, wide, eyes...longing for connection. i in my blue shalwar kameeza and red chador...longing to speak the language.
• learning more about the housing projects for the widows and disabled. how this NGO's project gives them better, bigger homes...even wired for electricity even though the wires may never be used
• [our host, talking about the widow's housing project:] "before, they would live in a tent...alone for the rest of their lives. now, we give them a key...and they get a new life."

after saying "tashakor" and "khoda hafez" many times, we drove away. yet they do not get to drive away. this is their life. everyday. ...and yet, hope is there. we will not walk away. our great God will not abandon them.

the KY team leaves tomorrow; i will be sad to watch them go. we had a wonderful dinner together at a lebanese restaurant here in kabul. the weather was calm and cool after a hot day, the atmosphere was relaxing, and the conversations together heart warming. we even got to watch the netherlands/slovakia world cup game projected on the wall of the restaurant. and yet, all the while, the people of afghanistan are with us. impressed upon our hearts.

as before, some of my heart will remain here...with these people.

"give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. let the whole world know what he has done.

sing to him; yes, sing his praises. tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.

exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord.

search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

remember the wonders he has performed..."

- psalm 105:1-5a

a view from the mountains, a view from a base.

so i'm cheating a little bit...it's actually the morning as i type this recap. we were all exhausted yesterday after our full day and i just had to sleep! :)

after our big (two) group breakfast, chatting for an hour or so, and singing worship songs, we headed out in what we've deemed the "party bus". (a quiet, culturally appropriate party bus, mind you.) we drove up the shomali plain and followed the west side of the valley, up into the mountain town of istalif. i visited this small town last year and was struck by the resilience and determination of the people to rebuild their town from literally nothing but rubble. we toured the clinic of the town, this one serves about 25,000-35,000 people and has become nearly self-sustaining through the town's efforts. it is great to see a community that is farther along in the development side in their work with this NGO.

after touring the clinic we were treated to lunch from a local kebab stand. fresh grilled lamb kebabs for all! we sat in the shade, listened to indian/afghan music, and enjoyed the gracious company of our hosts. when we all had our fill (and we sure did) we walked down to the old international hotel...to walk through the remnants of this once world famous hotel. i learned a new story about it this year. i had known that the taliban had taken over this town and claimed it as their own, due to its strategic mountain lookout location over the vital shomali plain. (the afghan's call it a "throne town". the soviets had also used this strategic location.) here's what i learned that's new: the taliban called together all the people of the town, telling them there was to be a jurga (meeting) in the hotel. when many of the townspeople had gathered in the hotel the taliban detonated the stockpile of bombs they had hidden in the lower level of the hotel. over 360 people died in a matter of minutes. ...i struggle to find words for the horror, for what it felt like to walk through the burned, broken remnants of where so many lost their lives in the matter of minutes.

a somber ride home was followed by some down time (nap for me) and the ladies getting henna'ed by some of the staff. a nice rejuvenating break before heading back out.

we were given the wonderful opportunity to head to camp eggers, a big US/german (etc.) base for their evening service. what an experience! we were lead past numerous checkpoints and guard stations, mazes of barracades, and in to the belly of the base. wow. viewing where our faithful soldiers live and rest before heading out to help the afghans defeat the taliban... it was surreal.

joining the worship service on the base was quite an honor. singing to our great God with fellow believers in a distant land...

my spirit is filled to the point of overflowing. let Your love flow out of me, great King of Kings.

shakadara!

it is so good to be back.

new sights today, fun to get back into the "first time" experiences. our team was also joined today by another small team from kentucky, also here with the same NGO. together, we all went into the district of shakadara (which, by the way, is really fun to say). there are two (medical) clinics sponsored by the NGO we're working with in this district, both of which were about to be shut down in just a few days. the team from kentucky shared the story of their near-closing and God's provision. the KY team is well connected with the clinics and became aware that prior funding for these clinics had expired. the group had been praying for provision to keep these clinics open and decided to send one last letter out into the community, giving God one more opportunity to provide. (their leader likened it to gideon laying out the fleece.) within one week, the needed $60,000 poured in. what joy!

we visited the clinics with the head doctor of the NGO and other staff, listening to the local clinic staff discuss their work. these clinics provide free healthcare to over 100,000 people who live more than 60km from kabul and would otherwise be very unlikely to get seen by a doctor. vaccinations, ob-gyn, nutrition, yearly check ups, contraceptives, public health education, emergency services, minor surgery ...the small staff fulfills all these needs for the community. the two clinics also serve the nomadic kuchi people, who rarely obtain healthcare. wow. puts the "issues" with healthcare in america into a different perspective.

we kept talking about how one weekend at flatirons could easily raise the needed money to keep these clinics up and running for years to come. ...the perspective shifts continue...

back to the guest house for a late lunch, a big debrief meeting with the two teams, and some welcomed rest time (siesta, anyone?). now it's after dinner and all of us are sitting in the living room, playing games, chatting, and updating family and friends members via email.

this afternoon has been a great time to reflect and give praise to the One who deserves it. one of the KY team members gave us a good reminder: even though we do not talk about our faith, we are here because of Christ. He is the reason behind it all. His love, His charge to care for the poor, to share his love.

dubai is hot!

quick post today...gotta get back to playing board games with my teammates. :)

made it safely to dubai. the longest part of our journey is behind us. woot woot! just one short (3 hour) flight to go! almost there!

the flight from DC was great. a little turbulence, but i've had much worse. in exciting news (at least i think so) i was able to sleep for five hours! wahoo! i'm feeling rested and ready for "the a-stan."

here we go!

volver.

(spanish = "to return").

no, they do not speak spanish in afghanistan. (they speak dari!) spanish is just the non-english language that comes quickly into my head...one that has been tumbling around for a while. volver...

i was accepted to go back to afghanistan in late april, as grad school was finishing up...research defenses, graduation, job hunting... in the midst of it all, here i go again. this time, i feel that returning is being obedient, to my Lord & my love. and for those who are wondering... i'm pretty exited too. :)

d-day is tomorrow. woot woot! three flights across lots of time zones, one looong layover (not as bad as last year), and we'll be on the other side of the world. in another world. it's a bit surreal that in a matter of hours (ok, maybe a couple days) i'll be back in that rugged beautiful country, with the people that have been near to my heart since i left last july.

the team this round is much bigger than the one last year (feel free to read earlier posts from last year's trip). i am excited to see how God uses us, with each other, with the afghan people, with the staff. here we are. your vessels of love.

Father, guide me. Spirit, speak through me. Jesus, shine through me...through us.

in silence... with love... may we point to You.