kabul...at last!

back in kabul. at last!

our travel plans were delayed one day in dubai after several bombings in kabul. all has calmed down now and staff (here and there) gave the all clear to move ahead.

our extra day in dubai was spent sight seeing and bonding as a team. we are all more rested and more connected. i am sure that day of rest will come in handy in the days ahead. judging by the photo below, dubai is a bit different (i.e wealthier, more advanced) than kabul. clearly.

  

after a short flight, we landed in the "mountain bowl" that is kabul. side note - today's flight is the shortest of our many flights. ironically it is this flight that is traditionally the hardest for me. it was uneventful and all cookies stayed in place. :)

the beautiful blur since landing: seeing familiar faces at the airport, riding through the chaotic traffic (no rules!), warm greetings at the guest house, telling a little bit of our stories, chatting over dinner (kabuli paliau...yum!), making gift bags for the women and families we will visit tomorrow...

to put it mildly, my heart is happy.

from death to life

to the cross i look
to the cross i cling
of its suffering i do drink
of its work i do sing
on it my Savior
both bruised and crushed
showed that God is love
and God is just

at the cross
you beckon me
draw me gently
to my knees
and I am lost for words
so lost in love
i'm sweetly broken
wholly surrendered

wholly surrendered. Lord i am Yours. these words by jeremy riddle, inspired by our King, tumble around in my head.

i just returned home from the first day of a training on how followers of Christ are called to relate to love others--muslims in particular--and tell them about the God of love. "engaging islam." i recommend checking it out. great truth from God's word. i have been redeemed. i have died to my old life. i was dead. Christ brought me to life. He made my heart of stone a heart of flesh. He brought life to my dry bones.

how can i not follow Him? how could i not give Him my all?

here is my life. it is Yours completely. do with me what you will.
i refuse to be silent. i refuse to live in fear.
i choose Truth. i choose love.


what a priceless gift
undeserved life
have i been given
through Christ crucified.
You've called me out of death.
You've called me into life.
and i was under Your wrath,
now through the cross, i'm reconciled.

calling all the ladies!

back again!

the people of a-stan have never been far from my heart. i am so pumped for the opportunity to return! just a couple months now... i am so excited! here's just a few things that are getting my heart pumping a bit faster:

• to be used and stretched by God
  
• to engage with the women of the community
  
• to be challenged and out of my comfort zone
  
• to see the growth in the community since the summer of 2010
• to see familiar faces and reconnect
  
• to share about the country and the people
  

i trust the Lord Jehovah to provide for the team's every need... from raising support to travel details to our daily activities. i trust Him completely and rest in Him alone.

stay tuned for more updates! :)

home safe. feeling thankful for my freedom.

just a quick note today.

been home since friday and finally feel readjusted to mountain time. my 4th of july morning began with two flyovers by four fighter jets. to put it mildly, my heart swelled with pride within me. i am so proud to be an american. i know what a blessing this country is, what it means to the way i live my life. i am thankful to those who put their lives on the line to protect this freedom, who have given their lives for this country.

reflecting on that beautiful, rugged, desolate country that is budding with hope i am overwhelmed with thankfulness. for the opportunity to return. for my country...for freedom of speech. for freedom of religion. for freedom as a woman.

thank you, Father, for your many blessings. i lay them back at Your feet. i worship you alone.

acceptance with joy on this last day.

what a contrast yesterday afternoon was compared to the morning. after spending time processing, debriefing, journaling, worshiping, praying, and collecting ourselves, we headed out to rauf's carpet shop. hours and hours of rug after rug...the small store was filled with laughter. it's hard to comprehend the immense sadness and joy that were packed into 24 hours. i think that captures life in afghanistan well...the sadness mixed with joy.

i'm reminded of the book hind's feet on high places, and the flower "acceptance-with-joy".

today was a full day. a good day. our last day. (ugh. i loathe having to write those words...even though there are a number of things i am looking forward to in the states...there is more of me that longs to stay here.)

we headed out to barek aub early. some of our team is feeling a bit under the weather today, so the hour drive on a-stan's roads was a bit rough. (potholes that could swallow your car, a complete lack of "your side" and "my side" of the road, suddens stops, the dust, the heat...) anywhoodle, we made it safely and without anyone tossing their breakfast. the reason for today's trip was to give out certificates and appreciation gifts for 15 of the community health workers (CHWs). these people have been selected by the elders of the village, trained by the NGO we're partnered with, and sent out to teach the 600 families of barek aub. they teach sanitation, nutrition, waste management, birth control/family planning, and basic healthcare...just to name a few. oh, and have i mentioned that nearly all of the CHWs are women? literally. all but one.

the men gathered together in one room in the clinic, sitting on toshaks (mattress-couches) and drinking tea while we women gathered in the community health education (CHE) training room for the appreciation. the head of CHE for the organization spoke to the women, encouraging them and highlighting the importance of their work. (this same woman trained each of these CHWs.) one of the long term staff shared, and our female "elder" also shared our honor to join with them and thanking them for their vital work. women from 16 to over 40; the future of this community. when the CHW director talked about the future, using micro-loans to start small businesses, every woman in the room raised their hand to signify their interest. wow. the drive is there. the hope for something better. the joy in the progress made.

it was truly an honor to be among these women. their strength made me acutely aware of my "easy" life. i felt blessed to stand among my teammates in a receiving line, congratulating each CHW..."tabriq!" (kiss right cheek, kiss left cheek, kiss right cheek) "tashakor".

as we got ready to head out, a few kiddos meandered into the room. almost immediately i spotted a young girl from last summer, one we interviewed with her family in her home, hearing their story. oh, my heart... one of the staff translated as i told her that i remembered her and how we had spoken with her family. blank stare. disappointment mixed with understanding. as i sat patiently, watching my teammates and the other kiddos, this sweet girl, sunya, sidled up beside me. slowly, she warmed to me. smiles. giggles as we played with my camera. watching her eyes as she caressed her image on the camera's screen. my heart melted.

saying goodbye came too soon. blowing kisses to the girls from the back of the car. "khoda hafez!" (goodbye!) i wish i knew how to say "until next time!" ...until next time, my sweet, strong, hopeful children. may God shine His face upon you.

after leaving barek aub with heavy--but filled--hearts, most of us headed back to istalif via baghram. we head north to the city which houses the largest US base in the country, then west for a short bit, and back south to qara baragh until we turn west again to climb up the mountain to istalif. we headed up to buy some of their famous pottery, straight from the source, supporting the local economy. a quick bite at the kebab stand (lamb, anyone?) and we headed back down to kabul.

some snapshots from the baghram/istalif drive:

• CAMELS!! seriously. we saw five! one was quite close. wahoo! :)
• learning more about the nomadic kuchi people (who have the camels) who roam the land
• the stark contrast in landscape...the east side of the valley of the shomali plain is so barren, brown, and desolate...the west side so green and lush
• the green leaves of grape vines peeking up over the high mud walls
• sunflowers. in full bloom.
• white check marks along stones and buildings, noting that the area has been cleared of land mines. commence the outdoor excursions of children playing.
• talking and laughing with the girls as we road in "little pig" (the nickname for our faithful car)

a great trip. after returning "home" and checking on our under the weather teammates, we packed up our team bags with rugs, pottery, and about 1,000 hats to sell. these hats were made by the people of barek aub and all of the money will go to microloans for the community. (sidenote: can i say again how bittersweet it is to pack? we have all fallen deeply in love with this land, with these people.)

our full day was rounded out with dinner at the intercontinental hotel. man! what a place! we had to go through numerous security checkpoints to even get to the parking lot. what a trip down the rabbit hole from there... through a metal detector, around the hotel, under a trellis of grapes, and out into a courtyard. live musicians playing traditional afghan music. the lights of kabul shining below and on the surrounding hillsides. twinkling blue lights in all the surrounding trees. tables circling the perimeter. a topaz blue pool in the middle of it all. stunning. the food was spectacular...yet not far from our minds were the people we have met. as one of my teammates pointed out, it's hard to reconcile the stark contrast...that this place could exist just a few miles from the desperate poverty of the IDP camp we visited yesterday. sadness mixed with joy. a strong desire to advocate from the states while acknowledging and accepting my many blessings. ...and remembering to share my blessings with others.

"behold, i am your handmaiden, acceptance with joy" (- hannah hurnand)

i cling to my sovereign Lord. my heart is filled with thanks. i pray that the Spirit will help me pour out this love, thankfulness, and joy onto others as i travel back home.

as i finish perhaps my final posting from this country that has captured my heart, the same song i awoke singing this morning is again running through my head.

into marvelous light i'm running

out of darkness, out of shame

by the cross you are truth

you are the life

you are the way

bringing love to the forgotten.

i'm feeling the weight of my privilege.

the privilege of being an american, of religious freedom, wealth... the contrast is palpable to me. people living in a landfill, scavenging for food among the filth versus eating our fill at every meal. barek aub versus our lodgings at the guest house. our calm, peaceful meal at the lebanese grill while two helicopters screamed by overhead...reminding us that beyond the walls a war is being fought. lives are being lost. i feel the weight.

this morning after breakfast we spent some time debriefing. we worshiped, talked, and prayed before heading out to an IDP (internally displaced persons) camp to do a food distribution. preparing our minds and hearts for what we would experience.

there are 81,000 IDPs in kabul alone. most of the IDPs are coming from iran and pakistan where they were refugees through the wars that have plagued this land for thirty years. this is how the people of barek aub lived for years before they were taken to their new land. their chance to move beyond aid; their chance for a future. the IDPs are grouped into various areas of kabul; 37 total camps ranging from 37 families to 1200 families. at every camp survival is at the mercy of the help of others (government, UN, NGOs). this is the depths of poverty. as our host said, "they are the beat[en] up people, pushed back, uneducated." "...they are just waiting for somebody to come."

"...these are the forgotten."

we brought out food and clothes for 73 families, the population of this particular IDP camp. each family gets one bag of beans, one big can of vegetable oil, and one trash bag of clothes. the money for the food was donated by a church in poland (shout out to rachel)... a couple thousand dollars will feed 73 families for one week. talk about perspective. the clothes have been brought over by various teams, waiting until there is enough to give an equal amount to all. we came in three cars and waited while the staff roped off an area to funnel the families through. one of the staff came out about twenty minutes before us to distribute one ticket to each family. (the days before we came the staff had come out several times to count the families, ensuring we would have the right amount to give each family group the same amount. once we were set, the women in our group unloaded the truck, handing one of each item to every family representative. the men of our group served as crowd control, forming a sort of barrier around us and the truck. they helped the young kids, the older women and men, and the disabled carry their rations. one of our guys directed people away after receiving their items. the manner in which he guided them was filled with gentleness and caring... the love of Christ showing through.

we left as quickly as we came. like a wind...it arrives and leaves faster than you can grasp.

coming back and debriefing, their faces emblazoned on our hearts, we talked about the desire to do more. feed them for longer, talk with them, love on them, wishing they would know the hope of Christ.

"as i hand you this can of oil, can you feel the love that's behind it? do you know where that love comes from?"

he loves us

oh how he loves us

he loves us

oh how he loves us

how he loves us so

that song repeated through many of our heads over and over as we distributed what food we had brought. praying that God would "multiply our loaves" and make it last longer for them.

God is sovereign. He is over all. He will bring victory. He IS love. i trust my Beloved. i rest in Him.

as we continue with our day, thanking God for our overwhelming blessings, the words of our host ring in my head. "God loves these people. even through they don't believe in him, he loves them."

oh how he loves us.

do not give up in freedom what those in oppression fight for

the title for today's posting came from a late evening prayer meeting with two of the long term team members. we discussed the current persecution of afghan believers/seekers and spent time in prayer before the Lord. one of the team members nailed it in their prayer: "forgive us Father for forgetting about the persecuted church and our persecuted brothers and sisters." forgive me Lord. keep them close to my heart.

as you read this blog, please pray for the afghans: their view of themselves before God (they struggle with the concept of sin), forgiveness (that they may know the depths of God's grace and extend it to one another), women (gossip, slander, oppression), dreams (a big way God is active here), and spiritual warfare.

we went out this morning to barek aub, the town an hour outside kabul we have partnered with for a few years. as our host described, a group of several hundred refugees were "loaded up in trucks, driven out into the desolate, dry foothills of the mountains and dumped like trash." they have progressed from aid to development. from receiving food and water to having their own fully functioning clinic, school (for both girls and boys), water pumps, and, finally, true houses instead of tents. i was struck by two things this morning: how much the town has grown since i was out here last summer...there are so many more houses! also, i was surprised by the handful of children i recognized...though they too have grown. :) my heart overflows.

some highlights from today:

"naam-e shoma che est?" (what is your name?)... zakea, nagila, ravinya, malia, ingahla, layla, zakura, sharkil, amira, mushtaba...

• using my broken dari to connect with the women and children
• hearing about the failed attempts to connect barek aub with their mountain neighbors, to share resources and "be friends"...and the hope that remains
• laughing as sharkil refused to shake my left hand after we greeted each other...and my delayed realization of my cultural faux pas (yes, he shook my right hand once i extended it)
• standing out near the mountains holding hands with nagila. she in her mustard colored dress and beautiful, wide, eyes...longing for connection. i in my blue shalwar kameeza and red chador...longing to speak the language.
• learning more about the housing projects for the widows and disabled. how this NGO's project gives them better, bigger homes...even wired for electricity even though the wires may never be used
• [our host, talking about the widow's housing project:] "before, they would live in a tent...alone for the rest of their lives. now, we give them a key...and they get a new life."

after saying "tashakor" and "khoda hafez" many times, we drove away. yet they do not get to drive away. this is their life. everyday. ...and yet, hope is there. we will not walk away. our great God will not abandon them.

the KY team leaves tomorrow; i will be sad to watch them go. we had a wonderful dinner together at a lebanese restaurant here in kabul. the weather was calm and cool after a hot day, the atmosphere was relaxing, and the conversations together heart warming. we even got to watch the netherlands/slovakia world cup game projected on the wall of the restaurant. and yet, all the while, the people of afghanistan are with us. impressed upon our hearts.

as before, some of my heart will remain here...with these people.

"give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. let the whole world know what he has done.

sing to him; yes, sing his praises. tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.

exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord.

search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

remember the wonders he has performed..."

- psalm 105:1-5a